Ah crap

I got the news from the doctor that I didn't want to hear- not a sprain. The ultrasound scan of the soft tissue confirmed that the other ligaments are all good but the fact that there's still swelling nearly 3 weeks post injury they reckon that there's something internal going on- not like pcl or acl going but more cartilage stuff could be bruised or torn.

This is where I crack it at the privatisation of the Australian Health Care system. For those who don't know we have a universal health care system here, which means I can get treated anywhere in the country if I have an accident or get sick and I don't need private health insurance to get treated. However over the last 20 years or so governments infatuated with the American system, which research shows has worse health outcomes per dollar spent than Australia, has slowly privatised more and more aspects. Usually by starving it of funding and then pointing at it and saying look how poorly its performing better privatise it because they can do it better. when the reality is that it just slows up the entire system making it more expensive in both time and money. *rage intensifies*


In my instance because I don't have private health cover (uni students rarely have funds for that, its so expensive!) I'm stuck with the public system. Medicare is wonderful, don't get me wrong I'm glad it exists even in its current underfunded form. for those of us on poverty wages or close to it, medical care for the most part is free or at least heavily subsidised which is great if I need to see a doc about my asthma scripts or get an infection and need anti biotics a lot of pathology and the most common medical imaging is covered too. Its fine until you break yourself and need any major exploratory scans done or a major elective(AKA: you probably won't die or suffer any major loss of function if you don't get it done) surgery. I had to choose to get an xray and an ultrasound over an MRI simply because the doctor did not suspect that what I've done to it is one of the 2 things that they cover: ACL/PCL tears/ruptures or a tear in the meniscus and I can't really afford 300 bucks at the moment to obtain an MRI.  After the results of the ultrasound basically recommend the MRI it would have cost everyone less in time and money if they just covered MRIs for all knee injuries (or just everything in general).

The doc advised me that basically my injury is a wait and see. If its not better in 4 weeks, I need the MRI- still not clear if I would then have to pay for it or it would be funded because the there's the "suspicion" of a meniscus tear. If there is surgery is the next thing and that on the public system could be a 1-2 YEAR wait. Or I could find the money some how and elect to go private and get it done much sooner- how much that would cost I don't know. with private health my wrist reco cost me around 3k without it who knows.

 My rant about the politics of Aus health care aside, the doctor told me no competing- looks like I'm not headed to AUGs after all. Mega depressing. But like I said would rather pull out and lose a few dollars than destroy my knee and not be able to use it properly ever again.

The Joys of Taekwondo...

As I mentioned in the last post Taekwondo is take over my life.

At the moment I'm supposed to be preparing for Australian University Games, but at training last week I landed a jumping roundhouse wrong and my knee gave out from underneath me. Its probably one of the most terrifying feelings I've ever felt. Thankfully none of the major ligaments appear to be broken. I'm 90% sure that it's a sprain, seriously I didn't even know you could sprain your knees, probably because the only knee injuries that I've ever heard of are ruptured ACL or PCL.  

Competition is in just under a month. Hopefully I'm able to be back at training (lightly) within the next week I'll feel better about life in general, not training is driving me crazy. But I'm not going to push it too hard, and give it the space it needs to heal. If I have to pull out of AUG I will, even though I may not get another chance to compete at them, a knee injury that heals bad or is made worse, would be far worse than the FOMO I'll feel for not going.

Here's to hoping!

Direction, well a lack there of....

I'm 27 and have no idea where I want to head in life

I have a bachelors degree, by the end of the year a masters degree in international development. by the end of next year I'll have a diploma in French language.

I have degrees coming out of almost every orifice, but no clue what to do with them. Yet.

that's if I do anything with them at all.

I did a google search to find ideas but nothing came out of it, just this extreme sense of apathy towards the job market and I guess in what I've been trained to do. 

 I still am enjoying the hobbies and sport that I've taken up- to be honest Taekwondo is beginning to take over a tad :S but I'm ok with that at the moment.

Maybe I just need some time off from study to hang out in the world outside of education (and not be broke AF every month)

Western Slaves

Slaves to excess

 Slaves to want what were told things

 that we should have

 because the perfectly good stuff we have is now "outdated" 

 old 

Everything needs to be Brighter, shinier, louder than anyone ever imagined

 we need to be able to cram in

 more and more and more 

 more stuff, more work, more money

 faster and faster and faster time goes

 time so accurate it will make your nose bleed

 so much stuff so little time so much excess 

 the old just thrown away 

when a newer better quicker sleeker, conforming clone becomes available

 neglecting the environment

 in the pursuit of the illusion

 of ever increasing profit 

before we know it we lose ourselves in the consumeristic world

 where nothing is off limits

 nothing is taboo 

we wonder why nothing seems to work the way it used to 

 why everything breaks

 making us careless

 because its replaceable

 everyone's too busy to stop for a second

 just one second 

 and 

 breath

Connected and Alone

We are all connected in some way
through text, a phone call, instant messaging
Facebook is the king of them all
Yet are we really that connected?
Just because a website reminds us of important days
Events and parties
Birthdays
Letting us see who is attending
making it easier to avoid those
we would rather not interact with
And instead of learning how to cope
We learn a system of avoidance and shallowness
Taking everything at face value

Everything seems too perfect
It has got to be a trap
This just cannot be real
Where is the catch?
When is the clock going to strike midnight?
When will the "dream" end?

The things i do to avoid homework.... sort of

procrastination? or is it writers block on the subject that the assignment is on?.... both?

anything is possible

i have this assignment on the adoption processes and practices of social workers....

Government documents....





hard to read, dry and when you have looked up the big words that no one else in the english speaking world uses, still don't necessarily make a lot of sense


is it just me or do politicians like to use big words that no one knows, just to sound intelligent, or is it so we the general public dont really know what's going on?

Anyway back to deciphering what im reading

through the eyes of God

Frustration and anger
blinding and deafening to what's right
and constantly directing to what's wrong
constantly showing
flaws always existing
world full of hating each other
everything
my own reflection
telling me the mistakes God made
the lies so inviting
but through God's eyes i can finally see

the truth in the lies
judgement, suspiciously passing
fragile his creation we are destroying
each other
themselves
always fighting
always divided
never united
against each other and all that exists
against the one causing the distress
with each tear his heart breaking
the earth, shaking and quaking beneath our feet
to concerned with our own selfish needs
to notice the cause of our problems
suspicious of everything
blind to the evil that lurks in our streets
in our homes
in our hearts
It hurts him to see