Ah crap

I got the news from the doctor that I didn't want to hear- not a sprain. The ultrasound scan of the soft tissue confirmed that the other ligaments are all good but the fact that there's still swelling nearly 3 weeks post injury they reckon that there's something internal going on- not like pcl or acl going but more cartilage stuff could be bruised or torn.

This is where I crack it at the privatisation of the Australian Health Care system. For those who don't know we have a universal health care system here, which means I can get treated anywhere in the country if I have an accident or get sick and I don't need private health insurance to get treated. However over the last 20 years or so governments infatuated with the American system, which research shows has worse health outcomes per dollar spent than Australia, has slowly privatised more and more aspects. Usually by starving it of funding and then pointing at it and saying look how poorly its performing better privatise it because they can do it better. when the reality is that it just slows up the entire system making it more expensive in both time and money. *rage intensifies*


In my instance because I don't have private health cover (uni students rarely have funds for that, its so expensive!) I'm stuck with the public system. Medicare is wonderful, don't get me wrong I'm glad it exists even in its current underfunded form. for those of us on poverty wages or close to it, medical care for the most part is free or at least heavily subsidised which is great if I need to see a doc about my asthma scripts or get an infection and need anti biotics a lot of pathology and the most common medical imaging is covered too. Its fine until you break yourself and need any major exploratory scans done or a major elective(AKA: you probably won't die or suffer any major loss of function if you don't get it done) surgery. I had to choose to get an xray and an ultrasound over an MRI simply because the doctor did not suspect that what I've done to it is one of the 2 things that they cover: ACL/PCL tears/ruptures or a tear in the meniscus and I can't really afford 300 bucks at the moment to obtain an MRI.  After the results of the ultrasound basically recommend the MRI it would have cost everyone less in time and money if they just covered MRIs for all knee injuries (or just everything in general).

The doc advised me that basically my injury is a wait and see. If its not better in 4 weeks, I need the MRI- still not clear if I would then have to pay for it or it would be funded because the there's the "suspicion" of a meniscus tear. If there is surgery is the next thing and that on the public system could be a 1-2 YEAR wait. Or I could find the money some how and elect to go private and get it done much sooner- how much that would cost I don't know. with private health my wrist reco cost me around 3k without it who knows.

 My rant about the politics of Aus health care aside, the doctor told me no competing- looks like I'm not headed to AUGs after all. Mega depressing. But like I said would rather pull out and lose a few dollars than destroy my knee and not be able to use it properly ever again.

The Joys of Taekwondo...

As I mentioned in the last post Taekwondo is take over my life.

At the moment I'm supposed to be preparing for Australian University Games, but at training last week I landed a jumping roundhouse wrong and my knee gave out from underneath me. Its probably one of the most terrifying feelings I've ever felt. Thankfully none of the major ligaments appear to be broken. I'm 90% sure that it's a sprain, seriously I didn't even know you could sprain your knees, probably because the only knee injuries that I've ever heard of are ruptured ACL or PCL.  

Competition is in just under a month. Hopefully I'm able to be back at training (lightly) within the next week I'll feel better about life in general, not training is driving me crazy. But I'm not going to push it too hard, and give it the space it needs to heal. If I have to pull out of AUG I will, even though I may not get another chance to compete at them, a knee injury that heals bad or is made worse, would be far worse than the FOMO I'll feel for not going.

Here's to hoping!

Direction, well a lack there of....

I'm 27 and have no idea where I want to head in life

I have a bachelors degree, by the end of the year a masters degree in international development. by the end of next year I'll have a diploma in French language.

I have degrees coming out of almost every orifice, but no clue what to do with them. Yet.

that's if I do anything with them at all.

I did a google search to find ideas but nothing came out of it, just this extreme sense of apathy towards the job market and I guess in what I've been trained to do. 

 I still am enjoying the hobbies and sport that I've taken up- to be honest Taekwondo is beginning to take over a tad :S but I'm ok with that at the moment.

Maybe I just need some time off from study to hang out in the world outside of education (and not be broke AF every month)

Western Slaves

Slaves to excess

 Slaves to want what were told things

 that we should have

 because the perfectly good stuff we have is now "outdated" 

 old 

Everything needs to be Brighter, shinier, louder than anyone ever imagined

 we need to be able to cram in

 more and more and more 

 more stuff, more work, more money

 faster and faster and faster time goes

 time so accurate it will make your nose bleed

 so much stuff so little time so much excess 

 the old just thrown away 

when a newer better quicker sleeker, conforming clone becomes available

 neglecting the environment

 in the pursuit of the illusion

 of ever increasing profit 

before we know it we lose ourselves in the consumeristic world

 where nothing is off limits

 nothing is taboo 

we wonder why nothing seems to work the way it used to 

 why everything breaks

 making us careless

 because its replaceable

 everyone's too busy to stop for a second

 just one second 

 and 

 breath

Connected and Alone

We are all connected in some way
through text, a phone call, instant messaging
Facebook is the king of them all
Yet are we really that connected?
Just because a website reminds us of important days
Events and parties
Birthdays
Letting us see who is attending
making it easier to avoid those
we would rather not interact with
And instead of learning how to cope
We learn a system of avoidance and shallowness
Taking everything at face value

Everything seems too perfect
It has got to be a trap
This just cannot be real
Where is the catch?
When is the clock going to strike midnight?
When will the "dream" end?

The things i do to avoid homework.... sort of

procrastination? or is it writers block on the subject that the assignment is on?.... both?

anything is possible

i have this assignment on the adoption processes and practices of social workers....

Government documents....





hard to read, dry and when you have looked up the big words that no one else in the english speaking world uses, still don't necessarily make a lot of sense


is it just me or do politicians like to use big words that no one knows, just to sound intelligent, or is it so we the general public dont really know what's going on?

Anyway back to deciphering what im reading

through the eyes of God

Frustration and anger
blinding and deafening to what's right
and constantly directing to what's wrong
constantly showing
flaws always existing
world full of hating each other
everything
my own reflection
telling me the mistakes God made
the lies so inviting
but through God's eyes i can finally see

the truth in the lies
judgement, suspiciously passing
fragile his creation we are destroying
each other
themselves
always fighting
always divided
never united
against each other and all that exists
against the one causing the distress
with each tear his heart breaking
the earth, shaking and quaking beneath our feet
to concerned with our own selfish needs
to notice the cause of our problems
suspicious of everything
blind to the evil that lurks in our streets
in our homes
in our hearts
It hurts him to see

Fear

Fear keeps us alive
Keeping us from potentially dangerous things

Fear makes us feel alive
Because we came so close to death

Fear hinders
Especially when of the unknown
Afraid to jump the rusty fence
Preferring to stay inside where it’s familiar and warm

Fear is justified by experiences past
A self-fulfilling prophecy
They repeat themselves
Despite we know that we can change the future
We believe history
And relive what has already gone


To take the first step, past the fear that blinds
Is the hardest and most painful of all challenges
That our time on earth here provides
Removing the protection
We build around our hearts
Letting go of society’s views
Letting our true selves shine through
What do their opinions matter anyway?
We had the courage to chase our dreams
And be the people God intended us to be

Pushing away- original poem

Photographs display
Pain hidden in smiles
Betrayed by hopeless eyes
Caught in the middle
Of a dark place
Don’t know where to go
Nowhere safe to call home

Pushing Away
Pulling away from everything
Withdrawing
From the word
The shadows invite
Falling silently in the cold night

The world, my prison
Walls and fences, grey
The lies still filter through
Showing flaws as truth
Believing
Withdrawing further
Falling deeper,
Despairing
How could you ever love me?

Pushing away
Pulling away from everything
Pushing away what I need
I realise my mistake

You found me
Broken, near death
You saved my life
Me from myself
You healed me,
And gave me new life
Just to hold me close again
Your long lost child

Another Charcoal drawing

tell me what you think :) i apologise for the quality i don't have a proper camera yet. im using the one thats on my phone and its not the greatest.

a few random charcoal drawings

I cant believe how long its been since I've posted last :S uni and life getting in my way :) thankfully i have found some time to draw and write, i might put up some of my poetry in the next couple of days but here's my pictures... thank God for the person who thought of putting cameras in phones ..


Jarred Leto portrait in charcoal


and the photo i attempted to copy

Photos from the back verandah

Ok I know some of you would think that these clouds could be rather threatening. they do look a bit like the start of a tornado which we do get in Australia, similar to the ones in America, to a point apart from the fact that ive heard of them forming and causing massive damage on a clear day.


These clouds only rained hard enough to make the gutter look like Niagara falls XD

.... not that it comes out real well

Guardian Angel 2

As i said in the edit in my last post i found out that you can digitally edit photos on photobucket so i went a little crazy with it, the background is one of the outcomes but there was also these



Great fun this... makes me really want to get photoshop or something similar for my computer... oh the possiblilities XD ... so right now this function makes photobucket one of my favorite sites

Guardian Angel

I don't know where this one came from, but i had this background i did a couple of months ago.
i sketched a face on in chalk then painted the outline in gesso. then i used a sponge to apply the next layer of paint.





i forgot to take a pic of when i sketched the angel on but i this is at the stage where she didn't have a face yet...



I didn't really like the way she looked at this stage so i changed her clothes and hair colour
the finished product

Edit: the second stage photo i digitally edited on photobucket and used it in a background of my own creation at pimp-my-profile.com

Magpie in Tree

Sketches and watercolour pencil

I just remembered I had these pics on my computer... random sketches I did ages ago and I figured that its time I shared them with you



I love water colour pencil at the moment, just as much as I'm loving acrylic paints :) i tried to paint Mike's pic but it didn't work as well as i'd hoped. Has anyone got tips for transfering images to canvas?? cuz i really think i suck at that part XD

Earthquake in Haiti

I know that it this isn't about art but i feel quite strongly about helping the people in Haiti, and those that have suffered in the aftermath of natural disasters around the world. I'm not sure if I believe in Climate change or global warming, because it could be some other weather cycle that were not aware of... but if it means that we can stop deforestation at the rate that its currently happening or develop better ways of doing things that are more energy efficient then lets go for it, and if naural disasters like huricains, storms, bushfires, earthquakes and tsunami occur then i want to help, and i know that i cant really do anything on the ground. I heard that Linkin Park set up a charity for just that purpouse.
these are the reasons that i support Music For Relief through socialvibe.com help me earn points to help those in need by completing the activities on the MFR socialvibe badge please remember to share your actvity so MFR gets the points :)

Studio Update, Jan 5 2010 | BLOG | mikeshinoda.com

Hey there just a quick post because I honestly cannot wait for LP's new CD to come out :)


Studio Update, Jan 5 2010 | BLOG | mikeshinoda.com

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Graffiti Art

I know to a lot of people out there graffiti is not something to be encouraged and to tell you the truth some of it is pretty lame but then there are pictures like this...







these are the murals that I think are cool and they're actually quite detailed.... I found these pics on the internet, I think that they're amazing
what do you think?

Inspired by Graffiti

Don't freak I'm not into putting my stuff on someone else's wall permanent and illegal like... However I do love how intricate and thought provoking some of it can be....

This one at the moment is a work in progress...i have more images i want to put on it but I'm yet to work out the layout but here's what it is so far.......


The heart in the centre is supposed to represent what the human heart is told/ thinks it wants or desires which is why its slightly darker and black in places... but i still feel that i haven't finished explaining/ painting all the concepts i want in this piece, but as it stands at the moment i think it looks pretty cool...which is saying something because i don't normally think that of my own stuff..

I did the background solid colours by staining with acrylic paint and the other hearts in the background aren't stained but the words and the heart were painted before i stained around them with the other colours....unfortunately the flash from my camera hides a lot of the detail of the centre heart....